your thong is hanging out like whoa
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
