Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
