A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
