i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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