Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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