I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
