WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
