i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
