I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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