I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
