My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
