He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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