the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
