My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
