Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
