Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
