So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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