very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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