I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
