OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
