I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
