We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
