when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
