I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
