If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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