Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
