I hope mine doesn't look like that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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