Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
