She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
