I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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