this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
