if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
