I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
