Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
