you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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