i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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