Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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