3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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