I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
