Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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