There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
