So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
