Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
