All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
