Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
