What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
