Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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