Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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