I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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