Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
