I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
