I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
