Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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