All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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