Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
